When Friendship Starts to Feel One-Sided

Inspired by the October 2025 issue of Psychologies Magazine

I was delighted to be featured in the October 2025 issue of Psychologies Magazine, in a brilliant piece written by Stephanie Fitzgerald - “Are we really friends…or am I just useful?”

A huge thank you to Stephanie for inviting me to be part of her exploration of this topic, and for creating space for such an honest and nuanced conversation about friendship.

And I absolutely loved sharing the page (and the wisdom) with Georgina Sturmer, whose insights into relational balance and self-awareness are so beautifully practical and compassionate.

When Friendship Starts to Feel Uneven

Stephanie’s piece touched on something that resonates deeply for many of us - that quiet, uncomfortable question:

Are my friendships truly reciprocal, or have I become more useful than valued?

Once you notice that imbalance, it’s hard to unsee it. It might show up in the small things, the “How are you? Also…” texts, the favours that start to feel assumed, the sense that your generosity is being taken for granted.

None of this makes us bad friends. It makes us human, and, very often, well-trained Good Girls.

The Good Girl Conditioning at Play

As I said in the feature, so much of this stems from Good Girl Conditioning - the cultural training that teaches women to be helpful, kind, and endlessly accommodating.

We’re told that our value lies in our usefulness. That being “a good friend” means saying yes, showing up, and smoothing things over, even when it costs us time, energy, or peace.

But our emotions are messengers.

If resentment or irritation starts to creep in, it’s not pettiness, it’s data. It’s your body saying, “Your boundaries are being squished.”

Friendship as an Experiment, Not a Confrontation

In the article, I shared one of my favourite approaches: treat moments of imbalance like a mini-experiment.

If you suspect a friendship has drifted into one-sided territory, try asking for a small favour in return.

You’re not “testing” your friend; you’re gathering information about the health of the relationship.

If they’re willing and happy to help, the connection may simply have fallen out of rhythm.

If they aren’t, that’s useful data too. You can decide what to do next with clearer eyes and a stronger sense of self-respect.

Boundaries Build Better Friendships

Both Georgina and I spoke in the piece about the power of boundaries, not as walls, but as bridges to healthier, more balanced relationships.

We teach people how to treat us. If we have no boundaries, others learn to expect unlimited access. But when we start to honour our limits, we retrain not only them - but ourselves.

Healthy friendships can hold honesty. They can survive a “no.” They can grow around truth.

Some Friendships Change - and That’s Okay

As Georgina so wisely put it, “Our friendships are not always going to be in perfect balance.”

Sometimes they ebb and flow. Sometimes they fade. And that doesn’t make them failures - it makes them human.

Some friends are for a reason, some for a season, (some for a lesson - eek) and a few for life.

Recognising which is which is part of emotional maturity, and part of protecting our energy.

Listening to the First Friend - Yourself

The thread that runs through all of this is self-trust.

When your stomach tightens before replying, when your gut whispers “not today,” - that’s your inner guidance system trying to protect you.

The first friendship we all need to rebuild is the one with ourselves. Because when we stop confusing usefulness with worthiness, we free ourselves to form relationships grounded in ease, honesty, and mutual care.

And those are the friendships that truly last. 💜

With huge thanks to:

🩵 Stephanie Fitzgerald – for the thoughtful interview and beautifully written piece.

🩵 Georgina Sturmer – for her insightful perspective on friendship balance and boundaries.

You can read “Are we really friends…or am I just useful?” in the October 2025 issue of Psychologies Magazine, available now.

Marvellous pictures pinched from Stephanie’s Instagram!

Have a wonderful week,

Mx