There are things you want.
Things you've admitted. Things you've half-admitted. Things you talked yourself out of before anyone else had the chance.
Things you've labelled unrealistic, selfish, greedy, embarrassing or a bit much.
And there may be things you no longer even know you want.
Because women get very, very good at wanting responsibly.
Wanting what fits around everybody else's needs. Wanting what won't upset anyone. Wanting something, then immediately following it with:
"But obviously I don't need it."
"Other people have it worse."
"I should be grateful."
What if wanting isn't the problem?
What if the problem is how thoroughly we've been trained not to listen to it?
A whole day devoted to desire
This isn't a goal-setting exercise. There'll be no vision board covered in things you think you ought to want, and nobody telling you to manifest harder.
It's a day for getting back into relationship with your own wanting. Pleasure. Ambition. Rest. Your body. Your voice. The dreams that make no sense on paper, the tiny wants you've trained yourself to dismiss, and the enormous ones you've barely dared say aloud.
And yes, we're going to talk about sex, intimacy and sensuality too.
Desire doesn't become respectable only when we rename it "purpose".
Your body gets a vote.
When did wanting become something to apologise for?
Most of us were taught to be good long before we were old enough to question what "good" meant. A lot of it went in before we could even talk.
Good girls are accommodating. Low-maintenance. Grateful. Easy-going. They don't ask for too much, and they don't make anyone uncomfortable with the size of their appetite.
They certainly don't say: I want this.
And this is what makes me furious...
None of that was an accident. A woman who doesn't know what she wants is extremely convenient. She keeps the peace. She picks up the slack at home and at work, for free, and says thank you for the opportunity. You can hand her everybody else's needs for decades and she'll call it being easy-going.
So we shrink our wants until they're small enough to be no bother to anyone. Then we do it for so long that we mistake it for personality.
"I'm easy."
"I'm not bothered."
"Whatever everyone else wants."
Bollocks.
You are bothered. You've just had a lifetime of practice at not checking.
So what happens when you check?
This isn't about becoming totally selfish. It's about becoming honest with yourself.
Knowing what you want doesn't mean you automatically get it. It doesn't mean everyone has to agree, or that you stop caring about the people you love. It means hearing your own signal clearly enough to make a conscious choice, instead of overriding yourself.
Again.
What we'll do together
Over the day we'll move from conditioning to truth, from truth to saying it out loud, and from saying it to choosing.
Desire is information
We start with how women learn to disconnect from pleasure and desire, and how good we get at overriding our own signals to stay acceptable.
One reframe carries the whole day: desire is information. It isn't an instruction or a demand, and it's no proof that you're selfish.
The Bad Girl Protocol
Then we go somewhere less respectable.
We'll take Lust, Greed and Pride and treat them as clues instead of sins. You'll finish one deceptively simple sentence:
If I were a bad girl, I would...
No consequences. No sensible answer required. Nobody marking your work.
Because the quickest route to what you want often runs straight through the thing you were taught would make you "bad" for wanting it.
More money. More recognition. More sex. Less sex. More solitude. A cleaner. A year off. A bigger life. A quieter life.
To stop doing something entirely. To start something nobody understands.
Saying it out loud
Knowing what you want privately is one thing. Being witnessed wanting it is another.
You'll practise saying "I want..." without explaining, minimising, laughing it off or proving you've earned it.
And the woman listening won't advise you, fix you or reassure you. What she does instead, you'll find out on the day.
Sometimes we don't need permission. We need to find out that we can tell the truth about what we want and still be standing.
Desire versus duty
Underneath most buried wants sits another question: what happens if I choose this?
Will someone be disappointed? Will I look selfish? Will admitting it mean admitting that something isn't working?
We'll look at the gap between what you want and what you've learned you're supposed to want. Duty isn't the enemy. But it's worth knowing when it has quietly turned into self-abandonment.
Your body knows before your brain has prepared the PowerPoint
You won't spend the day in a chair analysing your life. Desire lives in the body, so there'll be movement, music, rest, play, breath and sensory pleasure.
What pulls you closer? What makes you contract? What have you been calling "fine" because admitting otherwise would ask something of you?
And something to take home
Towards the end of the day there's a small ritual I'm not going to spoil here.
You won't leave with 47 action points. You'll leave with one desire, one choice and one next act.
This day is for you if...
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You're brilliant at knowing what everyone else needs, and not at all sure what you want.
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You catch yourself saying "I'm not bothered" when perhaps you are.
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You're ambitious, and uncomfortable admitting how ambitious.
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You find asking for things harder than giving them.
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You want more pleasure, fun, sensuality or aliveness in your life.
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You're curious about your relationship with sex and intimacy, whether you're highly sexual, not interested at all, or somewhere in between.
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You have a big desire you keep trying to make smaller.
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There's a little voice somewhere saying: there has to be more than this.
It doesn't matter whether you're employed, self-employed, or running the unpaid operation that keeps everybody else going.
You don't need to be partnered, single, straight, queer, dating, celibate or sexually confident to belong in this room. There's no correct kind of desire.
And you don't need to know what you want before you arrive. That's rather the point.
What this day isn't
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It isn't therapy. It isn't a dating workshop. It isn't manifestation theatre. It isn't a day of being told you're broken and handed twelve techniques to fix yourself.
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Nobody is going to make you share your deepest sexual fantasy with a stranger before you've finished your coffee.
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Everything is an invitation. You choose what you share, what stays private and how far in you go.
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Your no matters as much as your yes.
All the details
Saturday 21 November 2026
Durham Woodland Workspace, New Brancepeth, Durham, DH7 7EZ
Arrive from 9.00am. We begin together at 9.33am. We finish around 5.00pm.
Yes, 9.33am is deliberate. The day opens with Venus, the planet of desire, pleasure and receiving, at the highest point of the chart for us. You don't need to believe in astrology. I just enjoy opening a room devoted to women's desire under a sky that's enthusiastically on-theme.
What's included
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A full day with me, in a small group of 12 women
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The full Bad Girl Protocol
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Paired and group practices, plus time on your own to reflect
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Movement, music and rest
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Something to take home
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Lunch and refreshments
The price
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Early bird: £149 until midnight on Sunday 1 November.
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From Monday 2 November: £179.
About Michelle
I'm Michelle Minnikin. I've been a Chartered Organisational Psychologist for (eek) 22 years, with two books and an award-winning programme behind me, and I created the Good Girl Deprogramming® framework.
My work is about the conditioning that teaches women to please, perform, shrink, over-function and hand authority to everybody but themselves.
The longer I do it, the more interested I get in what sits underneath: desire.
Spend a lifetime overriding yourself and you lose more than your boundaries. You lose access to wanting.
That's why I'm now training as a Love, Sex and Relationship coach. Pleasure, sensuality and knowing your own body belong in the conversation about women's power. They've been politely kept out of it for long enough.
What I desire is to help women become madly, unreasonably in love with themselves. A woman like that is very hard to convince that her wants don't matter.
Questions you might be too polite to ask
Do I have to talk about my sex life?
No. We'll talk about sex, intimacy and sensuality as part of the day, but what you share about your own life is entirely up to you. Plenty of women will say very little out loud and still leave with a great deal.
Is there any nudity or touch?
No nudity and no touch. Everyone stays fully clothed, all day.
I have no idea what I want. Is that a problem?
It's the best possible reason to come. You don't need a list, a plan or a burning ambition. Curiosity is enough.
Is this therapy?
No. It's a personal development day, led by a psychologist, and it isn't a substitute for therapy or medical care. If you're in a wobbly place right now and you're not sure whether it's the right time, email me first and we'll talk it through honestly.
What will we actually be doing?
A mix of short teaching, writing, pairs and small groups, movement, music and rest. Everything is an invitation. You can go all in, sit and witness, or step out, and you never have to explain why.
Can I come on my own?
Yes, and most women will. You'll be welcomed in and you won't be left standing by the kettle.
Can I bring a friend?
Please do. You'll each need to book your own place. You may find you want to pair up with someone you don't know for some of the practices, because it can be easier to tell the truth to a stranger.
Do I need to have read your books or done your other work?
No. This day stands on its own.
Who is this day for?
Women aged 18 and over who grew up as girls. Everything we do works with conditioning that begins in girlhood, often before we can talk, so that's the experience the day is designed around. If you're not sure whether it's the right room for you, please email me and we'll talk.
Is there an upper age limit?
No. Desire doesn't have one either.
Is it confidential?
Yes. Everyone agrees when they book that what's said in the room stays in the room, and that nobody is photographed or recorded without being asked.
Is lunch included?
Yes. Lunch and drinks are included, and you can tell me about dietary requirements and allergies when you book.
What should I wear and bring?
Clothes you can move in, and layers. A notebook and pen if you like one. Nothing else.
Is the venue accessible? Where do I park?
Durham Woodland Workspace is a warm timber cabin in private woodland at New Brancepeth, DH7 7EZ, about 12 minutes from Durham city.
Parking is free and on site, with room for around 13 cars between the car park and the drive. Arriva buses 43 and 48 from Durham both stop within a five-minute walk.
There's a paved path from the car park and a ramp to the front door. There is a small lip at the threshold, which may be awkward for some wheelchair users.
You'll find photos and a map on the venue's website.
If there's anything about access or how you take part that I can plan for, tell me when you book or email michelle@deprogramming.company.
What if I book and then can't come?
Tell me by Saturday 7 November and I'll refund you in full. After that I can't refund, because the room and the lunch are booked, but you're welcome to give your place to another woman. Just email me her name before the day.
Something else?
Email me at michelle@deprogramming.company. I'd really rather you asked than talked yourself out of it quietly.
Desire was never the dangerous part
Silencing it was just more convenient. For everyone but you.
You're allowed to want something enormous. Something ordinary. Less. Pleasure for no productive reason whatsoever.
You're allowed to change your mind, and to discover that something you thought you wanted was never yours.
And you're allowed to walk into a room without knowing the answer yet.
For one whole day, stop asking what you're supposed to want.
What do you want?
Desire Is Not a Dirty Word
Saturday 21 November 2026 · Durham Woodland Workspace
£149 until 1 November, £179 after
Mx
PS You don't need a five-year plan or a burning ambition. You don't even need to know what you want yet. Curiosity is enough.
Come wanting to find out.
