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  • Writer's pictureMichelle Minnikin

Why did you go?

When we first heard the news that you had passed away I was devastated, the loss of such a wonderful friend, psychologist, mentor and inspiration. The loss of a loving grandad and dad for your wonderful family. The loss of such a shining light. I felt your death so keenly as it came close on the heels of another traumatic loss. We didn’t learn the details. The heart attack you had survived the previous year was assumed to be the cause.

Then, when months later I remembered it was your birthday, I went to have a look at your Facebook page to see pictures of your smiling face. In slow motion, I saw the truth, that you had chosen to leave. You left your grandchildren you adored, your children, your friends… I didn’t understand.

I didn’t know that you were feeling desperate. I blamed myself. I wish I had been in touch more with you. How did we not know? Could we have helped?

You had just finished a massive project - one that was absolute genius. I’m so sad I can’t talk to you and hear your funny stories in your lovely Irish accent. Tell you about Work Pirates - you would have loved that! Would you have joined us?

I didn’t know that depression so often follows recovery from a heart attack. I wish I had known. So we knew to keep an eye on you.

I am so glad I saw you in October. That we took the selfie that is on my fridge. I wish I had known it was the last time I would have seen you. Hugged you harder.

I am glad I called to thank you for the choccies you sent at Christmas and sent you jokes.

I’m sorry you felt this was your only option. I wish I could have helped.

I love you. Rest in peace dear friend. You will always be missed.

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