Today I noticed that I received my first one-star review. It's a moment that most authors and professionals dread—when all the hard work, passion, and effort poured into a project is met with harsh criticism. I won’t lie, it stung. My initial reaction was to question everything: Is my work not good enough? Did I fail to communicate my message clearly?
But then I took a step back and allowed myself to breathe. This wasn’t just any review; it was an opportunity to reflect, learn, and grow. I realised that my response to this situation aligns perfectly with a topic I explore deeply in Good Girl Deprogramming: feedback.
The Complex Relationship with Feedback
For many of us, especially those of us conditioned to be "good girls," feedback is a loaded concept. We've been taught to fear criticism, to internalise it as a personal failure, and to shy away from anything less than perfection. The idea that our worth is tied to the opinions of others can create an exhausting cycle of people-pleasing, self-doubt, and anxiety.
But here's the truth: feedback—whether it's praise or criticism—is just information. It’s a reflection of someone’s experience, filtered through their perspective. It doesn’t define us, our worth, or the value of our work. Understanding this has been a key part of my journey, both personally and professionally.
So, when faced with a one-star review, I asked myself: What can I learn from this? How can I use this experience to grow?
Reframing Feedback: Three Key Lessons
1. Feedback Is Not Final
It’s easy to see a negative review as a verdict, but it’s really just one person's opinion at a particular moment in time. Just as praise doesn’t elevate us to perfection, criticism doesn’t condemn us to failure. Every piece of feedback, whether it lifts us up or challenges us, is simply information. It provides an opportunity to understand, adapt, and grow.
Perhaps the reviewer didn’t connect with my work in the way I hoped. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding, or perhaps it just wasn’t for them. Whatever the case, this feedback isn’t final. It’s part of a conversation, not a conclusion.
2. Perfection Isn’t the Goal
For a long time, I believed that perfection was the goal. I thought that if I could just get everything right—if I could be the perfect author, coach, and professional—I would be safe from criticism. But this is the ‘good girl’ conditioning at work. The belief that we must constantly strive to please others, to avoid mistakes, and to meet every expectation, is a heavy burden to carry.
The truth is, perfection is an illusion. It’s not achievable, and more importantly, it’s not where growth happens. Real growth comes from embracing our imperfections, taking risks, and being willing to learn from every experience, even the difficult ones.
3. Diverse Voices Matter
Not every person will resonate with my message, and that’s okay. My work, my voice, and my perspective are not for everyone, and that’s what makes the world so wonderfully diverse. One of the key messages in *Good Girl Deprogramming* is that we need to let go of the need to be universally liked. When we try to please everyone, we lose sight of who we are and what we stand for.
The one-star review is a reminder that diverse voices matter. Different perspectives and experiences bring richness to the conversation. If my work challenges someone or doesn’t resonate with them, that’s part of the dialogue. It doesn’t diminish the value of what I’ve created or the impact it can have on others who connect with it.
Embracing Every Part of the Journey
Receiving my first one-star review wasn’t easy (but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be), but it was an invitation to reflect and grow. It reminded me of the importance of staying grounded in my own values, rather than seeking validation from external sources. It reinforced my belief that feedback is a tool for growth, not a measure of worth.
To anyone who has ever received tough feedback, I offer this: embrace it. Use it as an opportunity to learn, to strengthen your resilience, and to stay committed to your journey. We’re all evolving, and every piece of feedback—positive or negative—is just one part of that evolution.
Here’s to embracing every part of the journey, the good, the bad, and everything in between :-).
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